JD's Accomplishments!

One of my autism mom friends posted on Facebook the other day about how excited she was that her daughter ate a turkey sandwich for the first time. I could totally relate to that post - I remember a few years ago I paid JD $20 to eat an entire plain hamburger (which probably seems insane to parents of neurotypical children) but it was some of the best money I have ever spent because to this day he'll eat plain hamburgers! You do what works, right?

My friend's post also made me realize that I haven't blogged about JD's accomplishments in a long time! Things don't always come easy to people on the spectrum, so when they achieve something it should be celebrated - no matter if it seems small or insignificant to other people!

JD's actually made quite a few big accomplishments this year and as he's grown up, I've become so impressed by his increased maturity and patience. Things that I thought were impossible before are now happening and it's really exciting!

His Own Bedroom

I think one of the most exciting changes that happened this year was JD moving into a bedroom by himself! Since he was a toddler, he has shared a room with his little brother and I honestly thought they would share a room until Kyle left for college. But a few months ago I noticed both boys asking for a little more space so I mentioned moving into separate rooms and they took me up on it! I thought JD would have a really hard time sleeping without his brother right next to him but he didn't have any issues at all! (Of course, his brother's room is about 3 feet from his room so it's not THAT far away, but still - it's a change!) 

Starting Orthodontia

JD has been a thumb sucker since he was a baby and never stopped. As he got older, he only sucked his thumb while he slept or when he was stressed, but it was still a habit that we had to stop. We took him into the orthodontist and they put a habit appliance on the roof of his mouth that keeps him from sucking his thumb. The first two weeks were not good - he couldn't sleep at all - but it's been about 6 weeks now and he's completely used to it and has stopped the habit for good! They will keep it in for another two months just to make sure he's completely stopped, and after that he'll get braces! I'm really excited because I didn't think he'd be able to handle any orthodontia in his mouth because of his sensory issues. But he's done REALLY well and managed it! I'm really proud of him for getting through this big change.

Winning Races

When JD was three he learned how to swim. When he was five we heard about a special needs swim instructor at our local YMCA that worked with kids on the autism spectrum. JD began stroke lessons and literally took off like a fish! He has won many gold medals in Special Olympics over the years, which has been a great experience. But in late 2019, he was invited to the Athletes Without Limits Short Course Invitational where he won 4 medals racing against other kids with autism. He's a fantastic swimmer and I love watching him race. 

Riding a Bike

Like everyone else, we've been in lock down since March because of covid-19. The good news is that we finally had the extra time to help JD accomplish one of his big goals - to ride a bike without training wheels! He's tried for years and years, but the balancing piece and coordinating the rotation of his legs has always been hard for him. But after many days of back-to-back practice at home, he finally got it! 

Student Council

Last school year JD was voted as a student council classroom representative! He worked with the other representatives to do food drives, school parties and more. To run for classroom representative he had to make a speech in front of his peers! He did a fantastic job!

Distance Learning

The coronavirus sure did one thing... it made us all learn how to work remotely and that included the kids! I was really surprised by how well JD did with the transition to distance learning earlier this spring. With a lot of help and patience, he learned how to check his email, participate in Zoom meetings, complete and submit documents using Google Drive, and keep track of his daily calendar! I called him "My Little Coworker" because we'd sit across from each other at the kitchen table everyday.  He didn't love it, but he made it through the end of the school year! I thought it was probably one of the best learning experiences he's had so far because he's never worked on a computer that much before!

Loving Himself

I think the biggest accomplishment JD has made over the past year has been learning to love himself and accept his autism. He used to cry a lot about wanting to "be normal" like his siblings. But I feel like he's really embraced his individuality and is starting to see that his autism is just one piece of who he is. It doesn't define him. He works so hard to accomplish his goals and I think succeeding has really helped his self esteem. He still has tough days - don't get me wrong - but I would say that he's happier than he's ever been and that makes me happier for him!

What No One Tells You About Having a Child with Autism...

 

I remember the day JD was diagnosed with autism. It was his two-year well check and he was hiding under a chair at the doctor's office. He was non-verbal, still couldn't walk independently, and had pretty severe behavior issues. We had just moved across town so we had switched pediatricians and this was the first time the doctor had ever met JD. His old pediatrician kept telling us that "some kids just take longer to develop", but this doctor recognized it from the start and I'm thankful that he did because it gave us the much-needed direction to get JD on a positive path. 

Fast forward a decade and we're still on that path! We have all learned so much over the years and I can honestly say there was a lot that no one told me when he was diagnosed that would have helped me feel better. So if you're new to the autism journey I want to share these tidbits with you!

1. Life gets easier (then harder), then easier again.

When JD was little, autism was a HUGE struggle. We spent hours every day in therapy - speech, occupational, behavior, music, etc. My life was completely dedicated to helping him grow in every way. As the years progressed, things got much easier. He made huge progress and his communication skills improved dramatically, his behaviors decreased, and his happiness increased. But autism is a life-long journey. It's not a straight line of progression. While you're working on one area, another area may lag behind and that's perfectly ok. As much as we want growth in all areas at the same time, sometimes that's just not possible. Be happy with the growth your child is making, and don't stress too much about the areas where they are currently behind. Once they master a new skill, then start working on that area. Remember - it's a marathon, not a sprint. It will all come in time. That brings me to my next point.

2. Throw out the milestone timelines.

JD learned how to ride a bike independently only a few months ago - he is 12. Yes, most kids learn this skill when they are 4 or 5, but it took him much longer. But he kept trying and trying and he finally accomplished it! Give your child the space and time to reach their goals. Kids on the spectrum do not follow the "typical" milestone timelines and that is just fine! They accomplish things when they are ready, and I promise you, you'll be so excited when they do. Just keep trying and don't give up hope!

3. Study your child!

If you really want to connect with your autistic child, don't try to force them to be typical - learn to connect with them through their world. This means you have to learn what it's like to have autism. I constantly read about autism because I want to understand my son like no one else can. But the best way to do this is by listening to your child. Feelings are expressed by much more than words. Look at their behavior, their emotions, their reactions to situations. Try to put yourself in their shoes and understand what it's like from their point of view. I'm fortunate because JD has language and we have worked really hard over the years to express his feelings. When he is overwhelmed he comes to me and we talk about it. I learn more about autism from him than from any book or doctor. The best part is that he feels that he's not alone. He knows I am right there with him on this journey.

4. Your patience level will expand exponentially. 

I have never been a patient person but over the years I have learned to keep my cool during even the most difficult moments. Autism will teach you many things, and patience is one of them. You will see that your child has BIG emotions, and expressing them can be very difficult. But if you keep calm during their storms, it makes it much easier on everyone. 

5. People WANT to help - they aren't judging.

When JD was little and we would go out to eat or go shopping, I always felt like all eyes were on us. And guess what - they probably were. But I always felt like we were being judged by others. Maybe some people felt that way, but what I've realized over the years is that most people just want to help or they want to learn. Autism awareness has come SO far over the last decade and that is amazing. When I tell people that JD is on the spectrum, they ask me questions to learn more about him. JD has many neurotypical friends now and even they want to help in any way possible. Not because they know he needs help - but because they care about his well being. I appreciate that so much. It's not just a positive experience for JD, but also for the person helping him. 

6. Don't stress too much about the future and be flexible. 

This is one thing I have to tell myself ALL the time. I am a Virgo, so I'm a planner. I like making a plan and having it fall perfectly into place! Well autism definitely makes that a little more difficult because what your child may need this year may completely change next year and you have to learn to roll with it. I know future planning is important because independence is always our goal, but I try to focus more on the here and now and appreciate the things he's succeeding in.  Right now JD is doing an amazing job in executive functioning. (If you don't know what that is, don't worry you will eventually!) He's learning to organize his school work, his homework, his schedules, etc. I'm so proud of him. He's become so much more flexible - again that is huge. The other day he made it through 2.5 hours of "Meet the Teacher" (we have 3 kids so it takes a while). In past years he would have melted down crying, wanting to leave. But this year he was as patient as can be. I'm focusing on there here and now and recognizing that that's a big win!

7. Being "normal" is overrated. 

I used to struggle with wanting to have a "normal" life - one where we weren't going to therapy sessions or doing IEPs; one where I wasn't worried all the time about how JD might offend some complete stranger with his brutal honesty. But I've learned that normal - whatever that is - is overrated. I can't imagine JD not having autism. It's who he is and I love it. Yes, it can make things a little more difficult, but his personality is so unique. He makes me laugh like no one else can. He an I have such a special relationship and I wouldn't give it up for anything. 

 

7th Grade Begins!

 

Yesterday was an exciting day - we went back to school after 5 months at home thanks to the coronavirus. The kids were so excited to see their friends again. I was really impressed by how well JD did during the time off. He likes his routines a LOT, so having everything up in the air for so long was a little nerve wracking. But yesterday went off without a hitch - he started 7th grade with a big smile! I'm so proud of this boy, he had a great day!