Autism is like living Groundhogs Day the movie

I never actually saw the movie Groundhogs Days, but from what I've heard of it, it's a lot like having a child with autism. If it were up to JD, every single day of his life would be exactly the same. Same food, same tv shows, same clothes, you hear me. And most of the time I'm ok with that, but tonight when I was asked (aka yelled at) for "popcorn and popsicle" after his bath I just had to scream "I'M COMING!.... ERRRRR!" Trust me JD, I know the routine, you don't have to remind me. Those reminders just wear me out.

I know that you have to have three cut up cinnamon rolls for breakfast, and for lunch you have five slices of Boarshead oven gold turkey with strawberries (also cut up), a bag of goldfish, two RED bags of fruits snacks and of course the juice box which you MUST drink before you can eat anything else. Then for dinner you have chicken tenders (again cut up), more strawberries, goldfish and fruit snacks. And finally, once you're done with your bath you immediately require an ORANGE popsicle and popcorn. I don't know how you eat the same thing every single day. Not only do you have to eat the same thing, but in the same order. Well at least we made three different foods onto one plate - that was a huge accomplishment since you used to freak out if they were next to each other.

Maybe it's because I've been sick this week, or because it's just dawning on me that there's a possibility that I could be feeding my child "popcorn and a popsicle" every night after bath for the rest of his life, but I'm just worn out. Autism can do that to you. It's not easy, even on the good days. The only thing I know for sure is that tomorrow will be just the same...

Merry Christmas!!

Wow - I can't believe another year has flown by. Here we are one day away from Christmas! It's been a really busy day for our family, but 2013 has been a wonderful year for the Graham Crackers, especially JD. I was just telling Jason (my husband) that lately I've had this sense of peace and ease and I couldn't figure out why. But then I realized... JD is finally in the right school for him and I no longer have to fight for his well-being. Ever since the day he was diagnosed, I've had to fight for more services (OT, Speech, ABA, etc.), fight insurance companies for payments, and fight the public school system for the best IEP possible. But ever since the day we got his Matrix score and enrolled him at First Hope, I've been able to let my guard down. His teachers are AMAZING. Everyone at the school is like family, and JD has never been happier. He is learning so much.... he loves to practice his math facts, has made straight A's on his spelling tests and is beginning to read! I couldn't ask for more! Here are some pictures of my little man growing up. He's half way to 1st grade already!!

Here's JD with his best friend  :) 

 Here's JD with Mrs. Laura, his teacher. He LOVES her!

And here's JD making a Christmas tree "treat" at the First Hope holiday party!

The Things They Don't Tell You Before You Have Kids...

Ok so normally my blog posts are upbeat and glowing with positive remarks.... today isn't one of those days.  It's 10pm on a Sunday night and I'm exhausted. I've been in the process of getting three kids to sleep for the past 2.5 hours. And while I laid in bed, singing the same songs over and over again, like I've done every single night for the past seven years, it occurred to me. No one tells you the truth about parenting. Sure you can see all the cute baby commercials, or photos from your friend's Facebook page, or flip through the latest issue of Parenting magazine. But they leave a LOT out. So to make myself feel better, I am writing a list of my own entitled, "The Things They Don't Tell You Before You Have Kids." Hope you enjoy... (ps. these are in no particular order)

1. You will NEVER sleep in again. Sure, you think it will be bad the first couple of months while the baby is waking up for feedings at night. But what you don't realize is that the sleep you know of is GONE for ETERNITY. Never again will you roll over in bed and enjoy the nice quiet mornings on the weekend. Or, wake up and get dressed for work with only yourself to worry about. Once you have kids you're done. Oh, and once they climb out of the crib, I hope you enjoy having someone sleep at your feet cause that's what they do. Forget restful, wonderful sleep. It's over.

2. You will watch the same cartoons OVER AND OVER AND OVER again. It starts off with Disney Jr., PBS Kids... then you make your way to Nick Jr. (thanks to Dora and Diego) and finally to Nickelodeon. Spongebob becomes a pillar in your home and all of a sudden your kids have this gross cartoon humor about butts. It's at home, in the car (thanks to mobile dvd players), on your ipad... it follows you around. You can even tell when they switch the voiceovers for the characters... come'on moms, you know that original Diego wasn't the same two years later... OMG please let me watch normal tv! Oh and yeah, those grown up shows your DVR, you're too tired to watch them after the kids go to bed so forget keeping up with the latest tv gossip.

3. There is no such thing as alone time after having kids. The best bet you can have is locking yourself in your bathroom and blaring music hoping they will stop pounding on the door crying. And, while you're trying to squeeze in some "mommy time" taking a nice bath, you get to enjoy rubber kid toys staring at you. I have about 10 minions in my bathtub at this very moment. Oh and yea, the kids have their own bathtub but insist on using mine because it's a big one.

4. Eating out is never enjoyable with kids. From the moment they're born, all the way through toddlerhood and to "big kids" eating at a restaurant becomes nothing but ordering at light speed - hoping they don't screw up the meals because the kids will FLIP, carrying around an endless supply of gold fish to hold off the hunger as they take a 1/2 hr to make chicken nuggets and wolfing down the meal as you cut as fast as you can. You pay the bill before they even bring the food cause you know one of your kids inevitably will have a meltdown and your worst fear is being stuck waiting for the check while all eyes STARE at you with hatred.

5. Forget about owning anything nice for ten years. That nice car you have... they trash it. That nice furniture - yeah they write on it, or poke things through it, or better yet, they pee on it. Everything becomes a canvas for them. My kitchen table has been drawn on, my walls, the carpet, the cabinets. Nothing is off limits to them. The sad thing is that you just get used to living that way and you realize that buying new stuff is just stupid. Oh and no matter if you try to hide the markers, they WILL find them. It's like a sixth sense they have.

6. The laundry never stops. How can little kids were more clothes in a week than a I do in an entire month?! OMG, I never stop doing laundry. I hear it only gets worse too...

7. Forget ever having extra money. If you do have an extra $100 then it goes to their school because there is ALWAYS something they need money for. And if it's not school, then it's new shoes (cause their feet grow like a weed), clothes, toys, birthday party gifts, their OWN birthday parties (which run a cool $400 nowadays and that's without the present)... the list goes on and on. Doctor's appointments!!!!!! I almost forgot those. HA. Extra money... I wish.

8. You forget what it's like to hang out with your spouse. Dinner dates?! HA!!! Yeah if you have an extra $60 to pay for babysitting on top of the $40 meal. (See #7) The only way you can keep your sanity is if one of you goes out and the other stays behind to watch the kids and then you switch. It's the only way to successfully go out, and NOT end up fighting about how much the night cost. If you're lucky you might be able to talk at home, but that's only if you can hear over the screaming, whining and wrestling of the kids.

9. You become a short-order cook. Kid 1 will eat this, but Kid 2 will not. Kid 2 wants this, and Kid 3 wants that. My sister gave me great advice a long time ago. She said, "Lindsay - you have to serve it on a plate before you can throw it in the trash." Isn't that the truth! Forget trying to get them to eat what you want them to - it doesn't work.

10. Most likely (at least in my case) you will not be the mom/dad you thought you'd be. I know for me, I grew up thinking I'd be this wonderful stay-at-home mom with four boys and I'd spend days making crafts and driving them to soccer practice. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I spent three years at home with my kids and I thought I was going to lose my mind (for all the reasons above). I ran (if not SPRINTED) back to work when I had the chance and I soon realized that staying home was harder than ANY job I have experienced. I didn't quite live up to my own expectations, and it eats at me a lot, but you know, that's real life. I think if I knew what to expect, not just the fake reality they make up on tv, then I wouldn't have been so hard on myself. Being a parent is WAY harder than I ever expected. And of course it's totally "worth it in the end" (I had to put the positive lining in somewhere), but MAN, I had NO clue what was in store for me.

Well, if you're still reading, thanks for reading my rant. I don't mean to be "wah-wah-wah" girl from Saturday Night Live, but it's the truth! I'd love to hear other stories - what did people forget to tell you about parenthood?!

Keepin' it real.... Lindsay

Celebrating Great Progress!

Where has the time gone? My goodness, I can't believe we're already running full speed into the holidays! Earlier this week, Jason and I had JD's first parent/teacher conference at First Hope. All I can say is WOW - what a difference from last year... I can't believe how much progress he's made! We have so much to celebrate this year, not just with JD but with all of our munchins! It's just extra sweet when we see JD making big strides because I know he has to work extra hard to get there.

Academically, JD is doing AMAZING. He's learned how to write, he is starting to do math (he LOVES his addition tables) and his reading comprehension is testing quite well. These are all things he learned in the first 9 week of the school year! I'm truly amazed. His teachers and therapists are wonderful and we couldn't be more thankful to have them in our lives!

 

Also this quarter, JD went on his first field trip. Here's a picture of him and Ashley at Kennedy Space Center. He enjoyed seeing the space stuff but what he really loved what the Angry Birds Space exhibit.

And finally this past week we've been celebrating Halloween. This is a holiday that I'm always a little anxious over because I never know if JD is going to want to dress up or not, and I also worry about if some of the scarier costumes will scare him. But this year he was great. He was Darth Vadar (no mask of course) and he walked around with all the kids during our neighborhood's halloween party. It's was cute because he did one lap around the neighborhood and then wanted to go back inside to have goldfish and a juice box... not at all interested in the candy he just collected. But I am proud of him because he did try out some Nerds!

I really just can't believe how big all the kids are getting... Kyle and Ashley's birthday is coming up in a few weeks and then it will be Christmas! Where does the time go?

I'm so proud of JD. It's been a big transition for him to go to First Hope and to really learn what it's like to be in school. He really, really loves it and asks me every day if he can go back. I know he has to grow up, but sometimes I just want him to stay exactly the age his is now... my bubby love. :)

 

"He Doesn't Seem Like He Has Autism..."

The other day we ran into a balloon artist at dinner and JD was going bonkers trying to explain to him that he wanted an "alien space shuttle". The guy kept telling JD over and over again that he couldn't make an alien space shuttle but JD just kept going into great detail about what it should look like (in his jibberish speak of course). "It has hands like this... onnggg!" He said... and it goes like this... ahhhh!" lol. I try not to interfere because I want him to feel a sense of independence like the other kids who ask for dog, or a dolphin. But finally I had to intervene.

"He is on the autism spectrum," I said to the balloon guy. "That's why he's having trouble understanding why you can't make him an alien spaceship." The guy looked at me and looked at JD and said, "What makes you think he has autism? He doesn't seem like he has autism."

I kind of stood there taken back. Was this guy really arguing with me about my son's autism status? Really? Deep breath... time to use this moment as a learning opportunity... "Yes, he does have autism, he's just high-functioning. He can speak and might look like a normal kid on the outside, but mentally he's about 3." The guy stood there looking at me like I was crazy. Time to give up...

One of my biggest pet peeves as an autism mom are people who make stupid comments like "he doesn't look like he has autism, or he doesn't act like he has autism." OH THAT'S RIGHT... you've seen him for about TWO WHOLE MINUTES. My bad... you're right. The last three years of therapy were not needed and that developmental pediatrician that I pay for fortune for, she's just a dumbass. lol. 

I know that when people say this, they are probably trying to be nice. I get that - telling me he doesn't "look autistic" is supposed to make me feel better. I just find it irritating that people actually make that comment when they've only spent a few minutes with my child. If he had down syndrome, no one would say, "well he doesn't seem to have down syndrome". It's so annoying! Autism is an invisible disability people!!!!! 

Anyway, I just had to rant for a minute! :) Thanks for listening!

The Most Exciting Thing Ever!

If you easily get grossed out, then this post isn't for you. Cause what I'm talking about today is gross, but nothing short of a miracle at the Graham House!

Not to jinx it, but for the last FOUR days JD has pooped in the potty! He's almost six and this has been something we've been working on for two years. He's been peeing in the potty for a while now, but for some reason he was absolutely terrified of pooping. I mean so terrified that if I made him sit on the toilet he would scream and cry until his nose would bleed. He would hit me, pinch me, spit on me, scream... you name it, he did it. And that was just asking him to SIT on the potty. It's been a true nightmare - one that always ended up with us giving up after an hour of screaming, putting him in a pullup and dealing with the massive mess in the morning. It was causing major stress in our lives.

But then something clicked. Somehow I got him on the potty last weekend (using the iphone, toys, pepsi, etc. as a reinforcer) and he actually went! Of course we drove straight to Target to get him a "poopy toy". Then the next day he went again, and then next day and the next! I'm not completely holding my breath yet that we're 100% there, but we're REALLY close. I can almost imagine a day without diapers or wipes and that's huge for us. Especially since we were getting to the point where we'd have to order special-sized pullups online because JD has outgrown the ones from stores.

Here's a picture of JD proudly showing off his poop! Completely gross, I know, but a MAJOR accomplishment in the Graham household!

In addition to the pooping, JD has made major development leaps recently. One is the consistent use of holding his pencil/crayon/marker correctly. Again, another skill we've been working on for close to two years!

The next is learning math. Recently he got an award at school for completing extra math during class. I'm glad to see that he found a subject that he enjoys and is good at!

This year as been a big one for JD and I'm so proud of him! He learned to write his name, ride a bike, swim on his own, boggie board in the ocean, and so much more! I love my 'trouble graham!"

The Difference a Positive Note Makes

One thing you immediately inherit when you have kid with autism is the almost daily negative feedback. Whether it's from a teacher, a therapist, a neighbor, or a "friend" of theirs at school that the beat up that day... you hear it. It can be really hard to focus on the positive when all you hear about is the negative. "JD hit this child, JD slapped this teacher, JD bit his friend..." the list goes on and on. 

JD spent the last year and a half in a public school prek program for kids with autism and I can tell you that in that year and a half he probably only got TWO good notes home from his teacher in his daily communication. TWO. Every day I'd read about his "melts" (the term of which now sounds like nails down a chalk board to me). JD would have 3-5 "melts" in a day. This included kicking, screaming, biting, hitting, slapping, throwing things, etc. They normally last about 10 minutes each. His teacher (in his autism classroom) would call me to even come get him sometimes because he was "uncontrollable." It makes my stomach churn to know that he was dealing with such stress during that time. 

But we're on week three at First Hope and I'm so thankful that he's received a few POSITIVE messages from his kindergarten teacher. Here's the one I got today:

Now, I know that JD has his good days and bad - and the vast majority are not in the "good" category. BUT, the difference to me so far this year has been nothing short of amazing. His teachers share with me the areas where he needs work, but they also share the GOOD things.

As a parent I can't say thank you enough when I get these emails. It completely makes my day! Hearing something positive from another adult or child really gives me hope. It reminds me that JD is working hard, his teachers love and respect him, and best of all - he's in the right school.

I am really looking forward to this year, I have a feeling that JD is going to flourish at First Hope!