The Space Where Our Minds Meet

As a writer, I find it quite interesting that my son has a communication disorder. You see, my mind works in words - I can hear them flowing in my brain, I can even see me typing them in my mind as I speak. It's hard to shut them off and some days I feel like my head will burst if I don't put pen to paper. This week has been one of those weeks. I've just had this intense need to write, this urge that won't be fulfilled until I sit down and do just this - type. It's hard to organize my thoughts as they ebb and flow in all directions, swirling and racing. But these words that I love so much, I know they come so hard for JD. His autism makes it difficult for him to express himself.

Much of the time JD lives in his own world - seeming to be deep in thought. Sucking his thumb, staring into space as his rubs the edge of his monkey blanket back and forth; he leaves me to wonder what he's thinking about. But luckily there are moments when JD lets me into his world.

Like tonight...I was putting JD to bed and he wanted to tell me a story. Something about a Lego Ninjago warrior that he's worried will lose his power and be destroyed. After trying to explain to him that the ninja wasn't real, he went into great detail to dispute my claims and explained this warrior and what had happened to him. He was truly worried about this warrior and didn't want to go to sleep until we discussed it. It was at that moment that I realized - although JD has a difficult time communicating with his words, his mind races just like mine. He thinks of stories and lives in this universe where it's hard to concentrate on reality. His mind is also like a dam that's about to break but unlike me, he doesn't have a way to get it out.

I can't imagine how frustrating that must be. Now thinking back I realize I've heard it many, many times in his speech. He stumbles and hesitates, gets excited looking for the right words to explain what he's trying to say. But when left uninterrupted, unrushed, he can tell long stories with extreme detail and precision - it's like once he begins, it all flows.

That's the place I love. It's the space where our minds meet. I understand the need he has to tell his story, whether or not it makes any sense to anyone else. It's in those stories that he makes sense of the world, tries to connect to other people and makes room in his brain for new information. His rambling stories are like my ramblings blog posts - they clear the mind and give our bodies a sense of ease that can't be found anywhere else.

I'm thankful for those stories, those words, because I know so many kids like him don't have them. It's easy to get frustrated by the repetition, the rambling and the crazy sound effects that accompany his stories (and if you know JD you know what I'm talking about), but it's moments like tonight that remind me that it's his way of sharing his world with me. :)

Happy 6th birthday JD! It was SUPERHERO-tastic!

What a great week! JD turned 6 years old on Thursday, March 20th. I can't believe how big he is... and what I REALLY can't believe is that I started this blog FOUR years ago! It was right after his 2nd birthday! WOW how time goes by fast! JD has changed so much, and come SO far. Each birthday really gives me the opportunity to look back and thank God for all that he's learned and accomplished and for all of the people in our lives that have been there to help support and love him!

This was another year filled with amazing feats! JD's almost finished with his first year of Kindergarten at First Hope and I could not be happier with his progress! He's learning to read, he can do addition and subtraction facts, his comprehension skills are fantastic and he's made a lot of strides with social skills. First Hope has been such a blessing in our life and I'm very excited to say that he will be moving up for first grade there in the fall!

Another big event for this year was having JD's first true birthday party with friends. In the past, we've done birthday parties, but it's been family or friends of the family, not really JD's friends. Mainly because he didn't really have any. One of the big benefits of being at First Hope is that he's surrounded by REAL friends! Both in his special needs classroom and his inclusion classroom. He was extremely excited about his birthday this year and really understood that we were having a party for HIM! We invited all of the boys in the class to a superhero-themed party at a place called Hukoo's. There were trampolines, bumper cars and games. It was loud and crazy and fun! It turned out really well and JD had a great time. I was so thankful that so many of his friends came; and even with a group of boys just like him (on the autism spectrum), they all were amazing!

I have to share a bunch of pictures from today because I'm such a proud mama bear! Enjoy!

JD with mommy and daddy, my favorite picture of the day!

 

Superheroes!

 

A vist from Iron Man!!

 

Group picture!

 

JD playing dodgeball on the trampolines

 

Superhero cake and cupcakes!

All of the friends! :)

Blowing out the candles

 

Pirate ship air shooting game - JD wasn't up for it, but Kyle LOVED it!

Kyle and Griffith

Kyle and his best friend Jordon on the motorcycles

 

 

Family Party Time!

 

 Cousin Love!

 

 

 

 

 

The Bond of Brothers

If you know me, you know I'm the first one to admit that I was absolutely certain my third child was going to be a girl. From the moment I found out we were expecting I could just feel it... her name was going to be Savannah Kaitlyn Graham and I even bought her the perfect yellow and blue toile bedding just weeks into my pregnancy. The only problem was Savannah wasn't a quite the girl my heart was set on... At my 20-week sonogram the doctor told me (and many members of my family who were in the room) that we were having another BOY. I hate to admit it, but after I told him to "check again", I sat there and cried.

Of course we were blessed with my beautiful baby, Kyle Logan Graham, more than 4 years ago. He's quite the crazy little man and has the funniest little facial expressions. I can't imagine my life without him. But every now and then, Savannah creeps into my mind... I often think - I wonder why God gave me a second boy when I felt so strongly that I was having another girl? It's an easy answer though, one that I've known for a long time.

See I've come to determine that boys need brothers, especially my boys. Ashley on the other hand is perfectly content being the only "princess" in the house. But JD and Kyle, they were meant to be together. Together they are wild, crazy, messy boys. They drive me absolutely MAD, but they love every moment of being together. You can't have one without the other.

But God knew what he was doing when he gave me Kyle because he knew more than I yearned for another girl, JD would need a brother in his life. Kyle never judges JD. He only admires him as the perfect big brother. JD can do no wrong in Kyle's eyes. I know one day Kyle will realize that JD has special needs, but what I also know is that the moment he does, he will stand fearlessly against anyone who may treat him any less than normal. That's exactly why Kyle has the personality that he does. He's not only the amazing little baby in our family, but one day, he'll actually play the big brother role for JD since there's a good chance that his developmental age will be older than JD in just a few years.

Having boys is not for the weary, and I don't know how many time I want to pull out my hair and scream from the shenanigans, but I love them. And most of all, I love that they have a bond that can never be taken away. Brothers for life... oh I'm in for it!

Autism is like living Groundhogs Day the movie

I never actually saw the movie Groundhogs Days, but from what I've heard of it, it's a lot like having a child with autism. If it were up to JD, every single day of his life would be exactly the same. Same food, same tv shows, same clothes, you hear me. And most of the time I'm ok with that, but tonight when I was asked (aka yelled at) for "popcorn and popsicle" after his bath I just had to scream "I'M COMING!.... ERRRRR!" Trust me JD, I know the routine, you don't have to remind me. Those reminders just wear me out.

I know that you have to have three cut up cinnamon rolls for breakfast, and for lunch you have five slices of Boarshead oven gold turkey with strawberries (also cut up), a bag of goldfish, two RED bags of fruits snacks and of course the juice box which you MUST drink before you can eat anything else. Then for dinner you have chicken tenders (again cut up), more strawberries, goldfish and fruit snacks. And finally, once you're done with your bath you immediately require an ORANGE popsicle and popcorn. I don't know how you eat the same thing every single day. Not only do you have to eat the same thing, but in the same order. Well at least we made three different foods onto one plate - that was a huge accomplishment since you used to freak out if they were next to each other.

Maybe it's because I've been sick this week, or because it's just dawning on me that there's a possibility that I could be feeding my child "popcorn and a popsicle" every night after bath for the rest of his life, but I'm just worn out. Autism can do that to you. It's not easy, even on the good days. The only thing I know for sure is that tomorrow will be just the same...

Merry Christmas!!

Wow - I can't believe another year has flown by. Here we are one day away from Christmas! It's been a really busy day for our family, but 2013 has been a wonderful year for the Graham Crackers, especially JD. I was just telling Jason (my husband) that lately I've had this sense of peace and ease and I couldn't figure out why. But then I realized... JD is finally in the right school for him and I no longer have to fight for his well-being. Ever since the day he was diagnosed, I've had to fight for more services (OT, Speech, ABA, etc.), fight insurance companies for payments, and fight the public school system for the best IEP possible. But ever since the day we got his Matrix score and enrolled him at First Hope, I've been able to let my guard down. His teachers are AMAZING. Everyone at the school is like family, and JD has never been happier. He is learning so much.... he loves to practice his math facts, has made straight A's on his spelling tests and is beginning to read! I couldn't ask for more! Here are some pictures of my little man growing up. He's half way to 1st grade already!!

Here's JD with his best friend  :) 

 Here's JD with Mrs. Laura, his teacher. He LOVES her!

And here's JD making a Christmas tree "treat" at the First Hope holiday party!

The Things They Don't Tell You Before You Have Kids...

Ok so normally my blog posts are upbeat and glowing with positive remarks.... today isn't one of those days.  It's 10pm on a Sunday night and I'm exhausted. I've been in the process of getting three kids to sleep for the past 2.5 hours. And while I laid in bed, singing the same songs over and over again, like I've done every single night for the past seven years, it occurred to me. No one tells you the truth about parenting. Sure you can see all the cute baby commercials, or photos from your friend's Facebook page, or flip through the latest issue of Parenting magazine. But they leave a LOT out. So to make myself feel better, I am writing a list of my own entitled, "The Things They Don't Tell You Before You Have Kids." Hope you enjoy... (ps. these are in no particular order)

1. You will NEVER sleep in again. Sure, you think it will be bad the first couple of months while the baby is waking up for feedings at night. But what you don't realize is that the sleep you know of is GONE for ETERNITY. Never again will you roll over in bed and enjoy the nice quiet mornings on the weekend. Or, wake up and get dressed for work with only yourself to worry about. Once you have kids you're done. Oh, and once they climb out of the crib, I hope you enjoy having someone sleep at your feet cause that's what they do. Forget restful, wonderful sleep. It's over.

2. You will watch the same cartoons OVER AND OVER AND OVER again. It starts off with Disney Jr., PBS Kids... then you make your way to Nick Jr. (thanks to Dora and Diego) and finally to Nickelodeon. Spongebob becomes a pillar in your home and all of a sudden your kids have this gross cartoon humor about butts. It's at home, in the car (thanks to mobile dvd players), on your ipad... it follows you around. You can even tell when they switch the voiceovers for the characters... come'on moms, you know that original Diego wasn't the same two years later... OMG please let me watch normal tv! Oh and yeah, those grown up shows your DVR, you're too tired to watch them after the kids go to bed so forget keeping up with the latest tv gossip.

3. There is no such thing as alone time after having kids. The best bet you can have is locking yourself in your bathroom and blaring music hoping they will stop pounding on the door crying. And, while you're trying to squeeze in some "mommy time" taking a nice bath, you get to enjoy rubber kid toys staring at you. I have about 10 minions in my bathtub at this very moment. Oh and yea, the kids have their own bathtub but insist on using mine because it's a big one.

4. Eating out is never enjoyable with kids. From the moment they're born, all the way through toddlerhood and to "big kids" eating at a restaurant becomes nothing but ordering at light speed - hoping they don't screw up the meals because the kids will FLIP, carrying around an endless supply of gold fish to hold off the hunger as they take a 1/2 hr to make chicken nuggets and wolfing down the meal as you cut as fast as you can. You pay the bill before they even bring the food cause you know one of your kids inevitably will have a meltdown and your worst fear is being stuck waiting for the check while all eyes STARE at you with hatred.

5. Forget about owning anything nice for ten years. That nice car you have... they trash it. That nice furniture - yeah they write on it, or poke things through it, or better yet, they pee on it. Everything becomes a canvas for them. My kitchen table has been drawn on, my walls, the carpet, the cabinets. Nothing is off limits to them. The sad thing is that you just get used to living that way and you realize that buying new stuff is just stupid. Oh and no matter if you try to hide the markers, they WILL find them. It's like a sixth sense they have.

6. The laundry never stops. How can little kids were more clothes in a week than a I do in an entire month?! OMG, I never stop doing laundry. I hear it only gets worse too...

7. Forget ever having extra money. If you do have an extra $100 then it goes to their school because there is ALWAYS something they need money for. And if it's not school, then it's new shoes (cause their feet grow like a weed), clothes, toys, birthday party gifts, their OWN birthday parties (which run a cool $400 nowadays and that's without the present)... the list goes on and on. Doctor's appointments!!!!!! I almost forgot those. HA. Extra money... I wish.

8. You forget what it's like to hang out with your spouse. Dinner dates?! HA!!! Yeah if you have an extra $60 to pay for babysitting on top of the $40 meal. (See #7) The only way you can keep your sanity is if one of you goes out and the other stays behind to watch the kids and then you switch. It's the only way to successfully go out, and NOT end up fighting about how much the night cost. If you're lucky you might be able to talk at home, but that's only if you can hear over the screaming, whining and wrestling of the kids.

9. You become a short-order cook. Kid 1 will eat this, but Kid 2 will not. Kid 2 wants this, and Kid 3 wants that. My sister gave me great advice a long time ago. She said, "Lindsay - you have to serve it on a plate before you can throw it in the trash." Isn't that the truth! Forget trying to get them to eat what you want them to - it doesn't work.

10. Most likely (at least in my case) you will not be the mom/dad you thought you'd be. I know for me, I grew up thinking I'd be this wonderful stay-at-home mom with four boys and I'd spend days making crafts and driving them to soccer practice. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I spent three years at home with my kids and I thought I was going to lose my mind (for all the reasons above). I ran (if not SPRINTED) back to work when I had the chance and I soon realized that staying home was harder than ANY job I have experienced. I didn't quite live up to my own expectations, and it eats at me a lot, but you know, that's real life. I think if I knew what to expect, not just the fake reality they make up on tv, then I wouldn't have been so hard on myself. Being a parent is WAY harder than I ever expected. And of course it's totally "worth it in the end" (I had to put the positive lining in somewhere), but MAN, I had NO clue what was in store for me.

Well, if you're still reading, thanks for reading my rant. I don't mean to be "wah-wah-wah" girl from Saturday Night Live, but it's the truth! I'd love to hear other stories - what did people forget to tell you about parenthood?!

Keepin' it real.... Lindsay

Celebrating Great Progress!

Where has the time gone? My goodness, I can't believe we're already running full speed into the holidays! Earlier this week, Jason and I had JD's first parent/teacher conference at First Hope. All I can say is WOW - what a difference from last year... I can't believe how much progress he's made! We have so much to celebrate this year, not just with JD but with all of our munchins! It's just extra sweet when we see JD making big strides because I know he has to work extra hard to get there.

Academically, JD is doing AMAZING. He's learned how to write, he is starting to do math (he LOVES his addition tables) and his reading comprehension is testing quite well. These are all things he learned in the first 9 week of the school year! I'm truly amazed. His teachers and therapists are wonderful and we couldn't be more thankful to have them in our lives!

 

Also this quarter, JD went on his first field trip. Here's a picture of him and Ashley at Kennedy Space Center. He enjoyed seeing the space stuff but what he really loved what the Angry Birds Space exhibit.

And finally this past week we've been celebrating Halloween. This is a holiday that I'm always a little anxious over because I never know if JD is going to want to dress up or not, and I also worry about if some of the scarier costumes will scare him. But this year he was great. He was Darth Vadar (no mask of course) and he walked around with all the kids during our neighborhood's halloween party. It's was cute because he did one lap around the neighborhood and then wanted to go back inside to have goldfish and a juice box... not at all interested in the candy he just collected. But I am proud of him because he did try out some Nerds!

I really just can't believe how big all the kids are getting... Kyle and Ashley's birthday is coming up in a few weeks and then it will be Christmas! Where does the time go?

I'm so proud of JD. It's been a big transition for him to go to First Hope and to really learn what it's like to be in school. He really, really loves it and asks me every day if he can go back. I know he has to grow up, but sometimes I just want him to stay exactly the age his is now... my bubby love. :)