Standing Out or Outstanding?

My kids are at that prime age where "fitting in" is of utmost importance. When you're growing up, no one wants to be the person that stands out. Do what the group does, say what the group says, wear what the the group wears... that's the safe bet. Kids with autism are no different and I've heard JD tell me many times that he feels like he has no friends even though I know that's not the case. But it's extremely hard for him to blend in with the crowd because of his quirks. His conversations are typically one-sided (based on his topic of interest/obsession), his bluntness can be taken as rude, and his difficulty understanding and using humor makes for some interesting jokes! But what I've tried to tell him time and time again is, "Why fit in when you were born to stand out?" (Thank you Dr. Seuss for these wise words!) Being different is awesome, it's what makes you YOU. Standing out is really outstanding when you think of it. Of course convincing a 10-year-old of this fact is easier said than done. Even as adults we all struggle with this desire to fit in with the crowd but God made each of us different for a reason and that's because diversity is beautiful - even neurodiversity! Everyone brings something important to the table.

When JD was younger and first diagnosed with autism we thought a lot about the things he couldn't do and worked very hard to make him as "typical" as possible. Even to this day I think I have a tendency to do this - of course the intention is to help him become as independent as possible. But some days I have to remind myself embrace his differences and the gifts he's been given and focus on his abilities rather than his disabilities. He's so creative and can build beautiful creations with Legos or in Minecraft that I could never dream of making. He genuinely cares about people and is the first to offer me a hug and kiss when I've had a bad day.  He's funny and makes me laugh and some of the things that come out of his mouth are priceless. I really should keep a journal of them. But if my focus is always to make him "normal" (whatever the heck that is?) then I miss out on those things that make him special.

So as the years go on, my mindset as an autism mom has really changed - love and embrace the child that he is, not who I think he should be. Never stop working for independence, but don't trade in the uniqueness just to be accepted. And of course, continue to love unconditionally as we all want to be loved. :)